Thank you for your commentary. I actually really appreciate your point of view and agree with nearly all of it. However, just because something is not your experience doesn't make is a lie.

You and your husband are crushing it in the sex department (congratulations, by the way, on 21 years of marriage and having an active and healthy sex life), but put either one of you in bed with a seasoned porn star, professional sex worker, or fetishist, and you’d most likely be amazed at how much neither of you has taught each other. That goes for most of us. Ergo, variety does offer a specific brand of experience none of us can get from just one person, no matter how adventurous we are in our relationships. To that end, I actually wrote a book for adventurous couples entitled, Satisfaction: Erotic Fantasies for the Advanced and Adventurous Couple. It’s filled with erotic fantasy fiction and real-life applications to help make those fantasies a reality. I actually forgot about that book until right now.

Anyway, you actually proved my point — you had a sexual history before sleeping with your husband, and I’m sure you brought that sexual experience and knowledge of your body into your marriage, as I did. Many women around the world are shamed, beaten, and even killed for that very natural behavior, though this may not have been your reality. You may not have considered yourself “a freak in the sheets,” but by the puritanical standards that govern sexual shame, you were! And you learned that (as the saying goes) “in the streets,” meaning outside of marriage, as a single woman exploring her options and her body.

3x NYT bestselling author. Pen name Karrine Steffans. Psych Major. Performance + Life Mastery Coach.

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