Dear Level
Respect the boundaries of your relationship—monogamous or otherwise—for a drama-free love life
From the onset of my relationships with Darius and Damian — the men who eventually became my first and second husbands — I was forthcoming about my unwillingness to stop dating Dwayne. He was a man I’d met and fallen in love with long before each of my husbands entered my life.
Throughout the dating process and while living with me before our marriages, Darius and Damian respectively accepted that Dwayne’s needs came before theirs. So, when each of them suggested marriage, I was willing — so long as it didn’t alter our polyamorous arrangement. …
Read everything from Elisabeth Ovesen — and more.
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Lemonade turns five today. This article went viral shortly after the album and film’s debut.
This article originally appeared in XO Jane (now defunct) in 2016 and has been re-edited for clarity, context, and flow. Mandy Stadtmiller performed the original edit.
When I sat in front of my television to watch something called Lemonade, all I knew was that it was a thing and it was Beyoncé. I knew there’d be music and fashion, wigs and words, and that was all I needed to know. I was tuned in. Our pop music Lord and Savior Yoncé was about to speak, and I needed a word.
I needed saving.
What happened over the next hour was…
LIFE & DEATH
Some people were monuments. They were institutions. Eras. And losing X is losing the only other person who remembers what I remember about us.
I loved him, still. He was one of those people you could never forget, the kind you couldn’t help but check up on years after you swore you’d never talk to him again. He was loveable and wild, and he was more careful with others than he was with himself. We were lovers and friends, and when our time was over, he left me with some of the most endearing, thrilling, and unforgettable memories of my life. We fought like dogs in the halls and lobbies of posh Beverly Hills hotels, spent dusk to dawn in recording studios, and nights…
MOVING FORWARD
If you’re an anxious person, either before or since the pandemic, this may help you move forward.
Over the past year, my family and I have been through quite a bit, but nothing as devastating as others have experienced since the onset of the pandemic. Though we lost a lot, we gained much more and managed to thrive through the shenanigans that come with doing our best to survive what too many have not. I feel incredibly blessed and am immensely thankful for the way things have turned out for us thus far. Still, none of it was by happenstance.
2020 was an impossible year. Still, I intended to stay focused on the circumstances I could change…
SEXY TIME
Plus, two other sex toy doppelgangers you can never unsee.
Hey, girl. I’m not going to take too much of your time today, but I just wanted to draw your attention to the Bess clitoral vibrator by Zalo and talk about the latest vibrator fashions. Before I begin, I’d like to preface this by saying I am not a sex toy user and have not tested any of the gadgets discussed in this short, cheeky post. …
Dear Level
In the words of Ginuwine: ‘Ain’t none of your friends’ business’
Last year, my partner and I hit a rough patch. It’s a time I refer to as The Terrible, God Awful, Very Bad Fourth Year. Miraculously, we survived it, both different and better for the wear we endured. What did not fare well after the roller-coaster dip, though, was our friends’ and families’ feelings about our relationship.
People we allowed to be involved in our relationship over the years — especially during that tumultuous time — developed cross feelings after hearing our complaints about each other. Then, as he and I painstakingly worked through our issues with the help of…
This Is Us
I don’t forgive her — but I learned to set my own boundaries and live my life
I’ve hated my mother since I was five years old. Okay, maybe hate is a strong word, but the dislike I have for the woman who gave birth to me is pretty strong, too. Over the past 15 years of my career, I’ve written about my relationship with my mother and the lack thereof, and the question I receive more often than any other is, “How is your relationship with your mother now?” …
PERSONAL CHANGE & GROWTH
Take baby-steps toward an improved version of yourself and don’t be disappointed when you backstep. It’s to be expected.
When I was younger, sometime in my early twenties, I had a habit of replying, “This is the way I am,” anytime someone complained about my insensitivity, lack of empathy, or straight-up rudeness. To my young, inexperienced brain, the way things and people were was the way they’d always be. When you’re young, everything seems permanent. When we were toddlers, and our parents dropped us off at pre-school for the first time, we were certain they were never coming back. When we were pre-teens and experienced puppy love for the first time, we assumed we’d only love that one person…
Sometimes, for fathers who abandon their children, there’s no coming back
In my first book, Confessions of a Video Vixen, I graphically chronicled a four-year abusive relationship with my son’s biological father, Nathaniel, professionally known as Kool G Rap, one of hip-hop’s most formidable artists of yesteryear. There’s no time to go through the whole sordid affair, so for context, here are the CliffsNotes.
When I met Nathaniel in Arizona in 1995, I was just 17 years old; he was 10 years my senior. In 1998, we had a son together. By the following year, our relationship had ended. In December 1999, I left my son with his father while I…
WRITING & RELATIONSHIPS
Inside the mind of a writer can be as messy as you have both hoped and feared.
[Don’t have time to read and highlight this article? Scroll down to the audio!]
At my core, I am a memoirist. I am most comfortable and fluid when writing about my experiences, the lessons they’ve taught me, and the people involved. Unless we live a life that avoids human interaction altogether, none of us could write about our personal experiences without mentioning how someone has affected us. Though it is popular, especially among women, to proclaim independence, none of us have it. We are all dependent upon and impacted by others — strangers, loved ones, and colleagues alike.
Most people…
