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Elisabeth Ovesen
3x New York Times bestselling author, copywriter, and columnist.


Sexual due diligence, penis metrics, dick discernment, and how the sexual shaming of women hurts both sexes.

Table of Contents

2. Men Don’t Want to Be Treated Like Women

3. How Women React to Slut-Shaming

4. Men Lose When Women Are Slut-Shamed

5. Above All Else, Love That Woman

Photo: Lil’ Kim from the album Hardcore (1996)

In 1996 I was eighteen years old and had been a stripper for two years already. I hung out with a group of drug dealers, pimps, professional athletes, and a crew of four other strippers I booked for private dances with some of my rich and famous friends, who I met in the private gentlemen’s club where I worked daily double shifts. I’d been living on…


Even though I raised my son on my own, I didn’t do all the things a father should — I did all the things a mother should.

Illustration: Busbus/Rawpixel

There’s always one. Every Father’s Day, someone will send me a Happy Father’s Day message via text or social media, and I can’t tell you how much I hate it––but I can try. Mostly, I get this sort of message from single mothers or those raised by single mothers who believe that if a woman brings up a child without assistance from that child’s biological dad, the mom then acts as both mother and father. So, when Father’s Day rolls around, they believe they’re doing the noble thing by acknowledging me as a single parent. …

Dear Level

Deluded beliefs, not the vaccine, make you radioactive to rational women

Photo Illustration: Save As/Medium; Source: Getty Images

For those who’ve weighed the risks and decided that vaccinating themselves against the coronavirus is the right choice, rapid tests and the Pfizer-Moderna debate are as socially imperative as STD testing. This is especially true for those who are single and interested in dating. As such, thanks to the pandemic, yet another hurdle has been added to the already overwhelming “Is it safe to fuck you?” screening process when looking for a relationship or sexual partner.

What’s more, a derivative of that added layer of concern is the possibility of coming across someone who believes in a myriad of unsubstantiated…


I needed him. He was all that was holding me up, but now…what would happen to us?

Illustration: Adjime/RawPexels, Design: Elisabeth Ovesen

Disclaimer: Joey + Me is based on a true story. Some names have been changed and poetic licenses taken in the interest of privacy, content, and flow.

Missed parts 1 through 4? Catch up here.

The next morning was just like the one before. Joey didn’t show up to school again, so I called him from the payphone. “Are you starting to feel better?” I asked, hoping for a good report. I had become so accustomed to having him with me that his absence was jarring. It meant I would have to go back to feeling out of place and…


Look at yourself — still breathing, still living, still inching forward because everything you have lost isn’t a loss.

Illustration: Techi/Rawpixel

Over the past year and a half, I have lost a lot, but not more than I have given up or that has been taken from me. I have ended twenty-year friendships and finally left my partner of five years. After living in Los Angeles for over twenty years, I moved across the country, taking only my car and whatever could fit into a seven-by-seven shipping container. I gave away most of my possessions, left my friends, and all that’s familiar to me. Even before the onset of the pandemic, my life was spiraling out of control. I had long…


Your happiness, in and out of your relationships, is literally a matter of life and death. Choose wisely.

Illustration: Techi/Rawpixel

I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but your relationship is going to end. No matter how many years you’ve been together or how many children you have, whether you’re married, engaged, or just consciously coupled, your relationship as you know it will cease to exist. So, take a good look at your partner, breathe deeply, and settle into the fact that one day, you won’t be with this person anymore or ever again.

Then, decide how you want it to end.

By now, you might be shaking your head in defiant disbelief, convinced that you…


I wish she would have given me the confidence every little girl needs in a world that constantly tries to make her believe she’s never enough.

Photo: Trying on clothes while chatting with a friend online

If you’ve been following along, you’ve probably noticed an uptick in articles about my abusive mother and my relationship with her, or lack thereof. The reason for this is that at forty-two years old, I am making additional connections between my emotional and behavioral issues and my developmental trauma. I have been in therapy for nearly twenty years, and truly, the work is never done. Each week, as life unfolds, I uncover hidden traumas and their causes. There are triggers hidden in everyday occurrences, like Easter eggs or landmines.

One of those triggers for me is getting dressed to go…

Dear Level

The key to a happy relationship: Don’t lose yourself

Photo Illustration: Save As/Medium; Source: Getty Images

When you get married or settle down, there’s this popular idea that you have to become one with your person. This concept is even a part of some marital vows. Thing is, it ruins more relationships than it saves.

The truth of the matter is that, like it or not, you’ll always be a singular individual, even when you’re no longer single. This reality means that over the years you will likely grow at a different speed, time, and direction than your partner. For most couples, when one person’s growth is not complementary to that of their mate, it means…


There is more life ahead. There is love and kindness and some of the best days you’ve ever known. But first, you have to choose yourself.

Illustration: Noon/Rawpixel

Everette often asked me if I thought he was a bad person, and I would always affirm that I indeed think he’s a horrible human. That’s not because his form of abuse is worse than anyone else’s; all abuse is awful, and all abusers are terrible. …


All of it matters, and even though her life hasn’t been big, not one part of it should be counted as small.

My grandmother’s backyard, and the windows to the room I occupied as a child.

I already feel guilty for writing this. My grandmother is a saint, and by that, I mean a very flawed woman who has made a million mistakes, but I don’t care because she’s my favorite. More than that, she is my spirit animal. She is the person I am most like in the world. We love the same songs and share the same favorite color. We pray the same, and our prayers are answered in much the same way. God doesn’t waste time with us. I love making my grandmother laugh, and her jokes leave me in stitches. Her old-school…

Elisabeth Ovesen

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